About

Care partner, caregiver, care receiver

These terms imply roles that may or may not apply to how you see yourself. Some people see “care partner” as a neutral term that suggests we are all both givers and receivers, and to some extent that is true. Nevertheless, the reality is that in many situations, it’s a distinctly unequal partnership where the greater giver finds it hard to call it a partnership. Other English-speaking countries use the term “carer” in place of caregiver for both professional and informal caregivers, which I like because really, it can be applied to anyone who cares for/about anyone in any of the above roles. I will use it often on this site.

While the focus of this site is caregiving, my primary website, Wiser Now, exists to help people achieve and maintain wellbeing, especially as they age. When you are finished here, I hope you will check out all that it offers.

My story

My caregiving experiences began decades ago. My mother showed signs of dementia in the 1980s and I slowly began to take over more tasks for my parents, assisting with cooking, cleaning, and laundry, and eventually helping with hygiene issues.

In 1991, they were in a terrible car accident. My father, who was already being treated for multiple chronic conditions, spent the next two years in and out of the hospital with live-in caregivers in-between – one of whom stole his money and his pain pills. My mother had 12 broken bones and further head injuries in the car accident. She lived 5-1/2 years after the accident, but rarely spoke a coherent word in all that time. She spent time in an assisted living community while her bones healed, more time at home with my father’s aides, more aides after his death, and the last two years of her life bedridden in my dining room – because I wanted her to be where the action was, such as it was in our dull household. For those two years I was her full-time caregiver, with occasional hours of respite.

In the many years since then, I have been a caregiver for a variety of other relatives with a variety of conditions. But I have a lemonade spirit, and in those years –even in the midst of those years – I began putting my degree in Instructional Technology (training) to work in the field of dementia care. I wrote an award-winning newsletter, turned that into books, became the behind-the-scenes video expert for clients in the U.S. and Australia, and did loads of in-person training. Using my mother as my role model, I provided practical, instantly-usable guidelines always with an upbeat attitude. (Discussing continence care, I noted, “We can’t be anal about this.”) As I noted above, my mother rarely spoke a coherent word for 5-1/2 years, but she still managed to convey joy. My helpers and all her many hospice carers loved being with her. Finding the joy that remains is my purpose in everything I have done since.